Hard...

I never imagined how hard it was going to be to juggle my life. I think that I really underestimated it....adding a third child, doing school full time, working full time, keeping up on the duties of the house, giving my two boys time.....having any me time.....and doing it all without my husband. I guess I thought that I was wonder woman, but I have found out that I am not. I have been trying so hard to hold it all together and not totally fall apart but I have to admit...It is all falling apart. I am starting to let my laundry sit on the back burner....and I have to admit I am a week behind in two of my classes. My poor children dont get a good meal until the weekend because I am so busy that we either have mac n cheese or cereal nightly. I am so focussed on getting my children fed and bathed that by the time I lay down its like "Oh my, I didnt bath..I still have to get up and do homework...crap I need to wash socks......" and then I just seriously want to sit there and cry. So I didnt get a bath...we will have to wear the same socks again tomorrow and hell I am exhausted!!! I have to write on the calendar what are the most important things that need to be done that night and do the rest tomorrow! So where do I let little things go? Well I only shave my legs when I get to actually bath when Brad is home, (other nights or mornings I am jumping in the shower for 5 min, tops) my house is picked up but not clean like I like until the weekend...and school well instead of reading the chapters and taking in all that great info..I scan through them just enough so I can answer the questions and move on. I told myself that I would not live in a trailer park under ANY circumstances but I am finally ready to say MERCY and move into one in Wyoming just so we can be together! Housing up there is CRAZY and I can make a trailer house cute until something better comes along...now I just need a job!! Dear Lord..please help me find a job so we can be together again as a family! Dear Lord, I know that there are others who have it harder than I do...but PLEASE just let this happen for us! I need my dear sweet husband and our life to finally be back to normal. My kids need their daddy and all that he brings to our family. The feeling of peace knowing that he is next to me at night, the feeling of "Ah" I can take a bath....that extra hand to change a diaper or read a story...I need my other half and my best friend back. I know that you never said it would be easy but that it would all be worth it....this is HARD heavenly father, I need you!! I miss having someone to lay next to each night, I miss making dinner, I miss my friend!!! My kids miss their dad....I know that together we are better! The weekends fly by and then it is time again that he leaves and we start another week alone! I know that I took him for granted before and thank you for making me realize how much I need and want him in my life...so if this was a test can I please have passed now :) and we be back in a house together? Thank you Lord..Amen.